


The Knock

by nathaylee



Series: Homestuck College AU [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, College, Collegestuck, Humanstuck, not really romantic relationships at all but there are plans for later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1588535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathaylee/pseuds/nathaylee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Knocking, as it happens, is an ancient human tradition. In history it has been an action of greeting, of warning, and of superstition.The simple knock might be civilization's oldest gesture. On occasion, a knock has been a code, a diversion, or a harbringer of chaos. The following knock falls under the last category."</p><p>A crazy day in the life of Karkat in college. Not as pretentious as the above paragraph implies</p><p>Beginning of second year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Knock

**Author's Note:**

> Another episode from Yukinflake's and my collegestuck au! Remember, these aren't being published chonologically, so this one comes before the first part of the series. Enjoy!

Knocking, as it happens, is an ancient human tradition. In history it has been an action of greeting, of warning, and of superstition.The simple knock might be civilization's oldest gesture. On occasion, a knock has been a code, a diversion, or a harbringer of chaos. The following knock falls under the last category.

The knocking echoed down the hallway, through a closed door, and into the ears of an irritated slumberer. Yawning, Karkat Vantas sat up in bed. The clock's red glowing numbers burned themselves into his vision and he closed his eyes reflexively against the light. The knocking continued to patter into his ears as he rubbed his eyes. His knees popped when he stood, swinging the door open carefully to avoid its usual squeak and shuffling down the hallway toward the door. The sound got louder the closer the got.

"Shut uuup...." he groaned, his hand flipping open the lock with practiced ease. He wrenched the door open, tossing the outer edge to be caught in his other hand, only to freeze and let the door smash into the wall. "What the shitball fuck are you doing here?!"

"Nothing much, bro," he grinned peaceably, hands dangling purposelessly at the ends of his slack arms. "It's all great....miracles a-happening on the daily."

"You disappeared!" Karkat's arms spasmed at his sides.

"Whatsgoinon....fucking four o'clock....." Another tired dude zombie'd up the hall, cleaning his glasses on his stained t-shirt. He slid them up his nose as he arrived at the door, only to stop and stare. "I heard footsteps--uh...hey Gamzee."

"Sup?"

" _No!_ Don't sup me at this shitass time! Where have you _been_ all month?! I was fucking worried about--what the _fuck_ , bro?" The moonlight caught in the bags under his eyes.

Sollux gave him a strange look. "I'm going back to bed. Karkat, calm the fuck down before you wake up Dave. You don't want another one of his weird passive aggressive raps on the internet for everyone to hear."

A thud reverberated dully from upstairs and everyone froze. "Shit," breathed Karkat. He gestured tersely at Gamzee's relaxed form. "Get the balls in here. _Now!_ "

Gamzee slid into the house as Karkat slammed the door most of the way shut, slowing way the fuck down at the last second and closing the door with naught but a whisper. Sollux watched the proceedings with a raised eyebrow, shrugged, and headed back toward the basement door.

The porch light flickered out as the motion sensor failed to sense any motion. The hallway faded to black. Only a particularly observant owl would have been able to catch Karkat's hand running through his hair, enhancing the bedhead. "Come on in," he sighed. "I don't care what happened, I'm not abandoning you to the dark fucking alleys of Sketchville McMafia. You can sleep on the couch." Karkat led the way into the living room, sliding the lights on dimly. Gamzee followed him and sat gingerly on the lumpy olive sofa.

Karkat dug around in a large drawer under the television, tossing several wii remotes and a handful of dead batteries onto a chair before extracting a linty blanket. "Here." He tossed it vaguely in Gamzee's direction, not looking to see if he caught it, and started to collect shitty sofa pillows off the floor. "These should be okay for a night." He walked over to the couch and put them down beside Gamzee. "You okay with this, bro?"

Gamzee nodded vaguely. His curly hair drooped over his face, obscuring his eyes. "Thanks to the max, bro. I'll just chill the motherfuck out for the night, and we can talk tomorrow. Cool, best fucking friend?" His crooked grin was oddly endearing, and Karkat managed a small smirk.

"Night, bro."

Karkat waited until he was settled on the couch, blanket draped haphazardly over his torso, before flicking the lights off. His bedhead cast a strange shadow on the wall. He headed back up the stairs. Every creak the stairs exhaled caused him to freeze on the spot until he was sure there was no sign of an irate Dave. _How the fuck does Sollux sneak upstairs so quietly?_

He threw his covers over his legs and laid down, but sleep evaded him. Karkat rolled over and hugged a pillow to his chest. _Motherfucker never stops making me worry._ He drifted from thought to thought until he lost himself in the journeys between ideas.

The sound of the shower turning off was what woke Karkat in the morning, a sound as unlike his usual screamo alarm as possible. He flailed wildly, arms tangled in the sheets, desperately seeking his phone. "Shitshitshitshitshitfuckshitfuck--" He cursed at anything and everything as he jerked to his feet and dug through his laundry pile like a wild thing. His fingers met the waistband of his most respectable jeans and he yanked them on.

Karkat was trying to put on a shirt and shove his laptop into his bag at the same time when someone knocked on his bedroom door. "Just fucking open it, it doesn't matter!" he shouted, calculating the exact amount of time it would take to microwave a toaster pastry. Dave leaned in, his blond brows nearing his hairline.

"Better hurry up, bro. The bus--"

"Yes, I fucking know! Get off my back!" Karkat bit off the rest of his tirade with difficulty. He zipped his last textbook into his bag--well, satchel--and slung it over his shoulder. "Better get going too, assbutt, you need to get there for morning classes too."

"But _I'm_ ready to go. Here." He tossed a granola bar at Karkat. "Eat up, sisterfriend." Karkat didn't even bother catching it, and the bar landed in a pile of laundry. "Someone's stressed."

"I'm always fucking stressed, asswad." Karkat threw his bag over his shoulder and rushed to the door. Dave and his pastel floral sweater ducked out of the way and followed him as he barreled down the stairs. "It's pretty much my defining characteristic," Karkat shouted over his shoulder. The slam of the door behind him echoed through the entire house. Sollux steadied his wobbling desktop monitor with a sigh, and a faygo-addled ninja twitched in his sleep.

The bus ride to school was relatively uneventful. After sprinting to the bus stop, Karkat tossed his bag to the ground so he could fasten it shut properly, as Dave sauntered up behind him at his usual leisurely pace. They stood in the warm morning and waited. _Fuck, I totally could have had_ something _for breakfast._ His gaze caught on Dave's outfit. _Wait, what is he_ wearing _?_

"Is that a flower on your sweater?"

Dave looked down at his torso, then back up to grin at Karkat. "Damn straight. Like it?"

"Fuck no. You look like a cat lady. Or a six year old girl. Whatever's more insulting."

"Whatever, man." Dave straightened the collared shirt he wore under it. "You can cling to your gender binary all you want. It's perfectly natural that sexist, clothingist persons such as yourself would cling to such crutches as--"

"Stop quoting my brother!" Karkat swung a hand at Dave's arm and missed.

"Or what?"

"I'll stop listening to you!"

"Be my guest." Dave inserted his dangling earbud and looked into the middle distance. _What the fuck ever._

Karkat dug through a smaller pocket on his bag for his headphones, only to turn to Dave with a glare.

"Did you take my headphones?"

Dave looked over and pulled out an earbud. "What?"

"Motherfucker, those are totally mine!" Karkat grabbed at them, but Dave swung out of reach automatically.

"Dude, what the hell! Are you seriously trying to tell me you bought headphones with weed shit on them?" He pointed out the cannabis detailing on the side and Karkat subsided.

"You totally took my green ones last month, though," he grumbled, and Dave bristled.

"That was a legit-ass error on my part, okay, I broke my green ones the day before and forgot about my new purple ones, and--"

"There's the bus." They both shut up and pulled bus passes out of wallets, ready to step on the instant the vehicle stopped.

A short awkward bus ride later, and Karkat was speedwalking to his English class. _Fucking context credits._ His bag bounced against his hip no matter how he tried to steady it, so he just gave up and concentrated on texting Kanaya instead.

Karkat: This shit is fucking ridiculous I swear to god Maryam.  
Karkat: He fucking left without saying anyfuckingthing to me and now I'm supposed to just deal with his fucking shit again?  
Karkat: I mean I'm not his parent what the hell.  
Kanaya: I can see why you would be frustrated with that...but really, can you truthfully say you don't enjoy being relied on?  
Kanaya: You're his number one supporter. His one phone call under arrest. His second mother.  
Karkat: Oh my fucking god I am. Why do I have to be his mother this is incredibly fucking inconvenient.  
Kanaya: It might be too late for this one, Karkat. This duckling has imprinted.  
Karkat: Motherfuck.  
Kanaya: *Mother duck.  
Karkat: Fuck

Karkat looked up to push the door of the lecture hall open, and clutched his phone in his hand as he rushed up some stairs, then down ten rows toward a seat near the exact centre of the hall. "Sorry, excuse me.." He mumbled various excuses as he squeezed past several girls in sweatpants and tank tops and found a seat with several empty chairs' buffer zone around it. Jackpot.

The projector screen flipped on and Karkat pulled out his laptop. He dug through his bag some more and resurfaced with a notebook and a ballpoint pen. He opened his laptop and typed in his password before rifling through his notebook until he found the page he'd last written on.

The professor stepped up to the podium. "Eliot is a very deliberate writer, as we see in such famous works as 'The Wasteland' and 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock'. If you recall from last week's lecture, the themes..." Karkat glanced from notebook to screen, copying down the slides and ignoring the teacher. Once he finished getting down the points, he looked back to his computer. He touched the mousepad, bringing the screen back to life, and opened Firefox. The Reddit thread he'd been following popped up and he minimized it, opening Facebook. He clicked on his new notifications and opened them all in different tabs.

The first one he clicked on showed a drawing Terezi posted on his wall--sorry, timeline. It looked...enthusiastic, and very green. Karkat commented with a bunch of question marks. He looked up and saw the slide had changed. He picked up his pen and jotted down what he deemed relevant--not much--before returning to his computer.

Someone tapped his shoulder. Karkat spun around and was met by a pair of cool violet eyes. "On task as always, I see."

"Lalonde what the fuck," he hissed. Rose smirked. "Since when have you been in this class?"

"Ever since two weeks ago...you know, when the semester began?"

"Ugh, now I seem like an asshole..."

"Pretty much." Her eyes flicked up behind him. "The slide changed. You had better copy this one down; it looks important."

Karkat turned and scribbled something about emasculation before opening a facebook chat window.

Karkat Vantas: Is this better? Wouldn't want to disrupt the class or whatever.  
Rose Lalonde: I had no idea that you harboured such respect for a subject you once labelled "frothy candy-ass bullshit".  
Karkat Vantas: I apologized like six fucking times Lalonde quit rubbing it in my face.  
Rose Lalonde: I could hardly deprive you of your skin care routine. Such interruptions wreak havoc on one's pores.  
Karkat Vantas: UGH  
Rose Lalonde: :)  
Karkat Vantas: >:(  
Rose Lalonde: ;)  
Karkat Vantas: ...

He checked the new slide. This one listed key passages. Karkat opened his heavy anthology and highlighted all the quotations. _For I have known them all already, known them all— Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. And would it have been worth it, after all, Would it have been worth while, After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets, After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor— And this, and so much more?_

There were messages waiting when he returned to his computer.

Rose Lalonde: Did you even read the poem in the first place? Methinks not, given the pristine condition of the textbook.  
Rose Lalonde: You could have at least read the SparkNotes.  
Karkat Vantas: Stfu Lalonde.  
Rose Lalonde: It would take far more than a foulmouthed initialism to do that.  
Karkat Vantas: LOL UR SO FUNNY ROFLMAO OMG

The professor, true to form, repeated himself several times to fill up the full hour lecture. _Great._ The class was finally dismissed and the hall burst into chaos. Karkat was trying to shove his notebook into his bag sideways when Rose reached over the seat and held it open for him with a sigh. He muttered something that could have been thanks or a curse and dumped his pen and textbook in on top of it. A tall girl with a long ponytail squeezed past him down the row.

"So your talent for disorganization really is what they told me it was. It's so rare to find someone who lives up to the legend." The stampede of escaping students was stalled at the doors.

"What do you want, Lalonde." It was a statement, not a question.

"Learning, Mr Vantas. It's what most of us attend school for."

"You... _you_ are an evasive person, and I live with _Strider_."

"It's genetic." Rose stood and shifted her laptop bag into her other hand. "Coffee?"

"Fuck yes. I'm so shitting tired," yawned Karkat. They shuffled down their respective empty rows of chairs and headed toward to the exit in the back of the lecture hall. He could almost smell the coffee from here. Serket passed them in the hallway and made a face at Karkat. He grimaced back. _Blue hair. What the fuck is with that?_

"Isn't her hair glorious?" Karkat whipped his head around to squint at Rose, but her smirk assured him that she hadn't actually taken leave of her senses. _Thank fuck._

"Fuckin' eighth wonder of the world."

"It's certainly very eye-catching."

"What does Kanaya think?" he asked. Her eyes flicked to the side, then back up to his, eyebrow arched.

"She thinks a great deal. As always." She swept ahead of him and people stepped out of her way as she headed for the tiny coffee kiosk by the library doors. _How does she do that?_

Karkat stepped up his pace and almost knocked over a girl even shorter than him. "Fuck, sorry," he blurted, cheeks flushing a little. She murmured something something unintelligible, clutched her binder tighter to her chest, and hurried off into the crowd. He rolled his eyes at himself-- _fucking hell_ \--and finally joined Rose just as she accepted a steaming paper cup from the tall guy behind the counter. "Tea?" he guessed, and Lalonde nodded.

"What else?" She sipped without adding sugar and didn't wince. "I assume you'll be having your usual?"

"How do you know what my usual is?" She grinned widely, and that uncharacteristic expression caused him to wheel around and order his usual. "Large french vanilla latte. Yes, whipped cream. Extra vanilla."

"Coming right up." Karkat darted a glance at the guy, assuming he was being sarcastic, but he was turning to hit some switches on the complicated-looking coffee machine. The barista's black neck tattoo peeked out from under his shirt collar. Karkat looked back to Rose, who was regarding him with a steady stare.

"So why are _you_ in a first year english class?"

"I was bored."

Karkat raised his eyebrows. "Bored."

She raised hers back at him. "Yes. Bored."

"Wait--do you mean you're not even enrolled in the class and just showed up?"

"Large french vanilla with extra vanilla?" Karkat took an extra second before turning around. He pulled out his wallet and tossed a ten dollar bill on the counter. The guy fiddled with the cash register and handed him a handful of change and one dollar bills, which Karkat dumped in his wallet without counting or organizing. He jammed it back in his pants pocket and grabbed his cup.

"Thanks. Now," he turned back to Rose, "Where to, smartypants?"

"Your next class, right?" She sipped her still steaming cup again while he cursed and reached for his phone.

"Fucking--yeah, actually, I have comp sci in four minutes, you really need to tell me how you know this shit--later, Lalonde." He started to wave for some unknown fucking reason-- _what the hell Karkat I mean really_ , switched to a salute, and just ended up half-jogging away. His drink slopped out of the hole in the lid a little and he sucked up the spillage carefully. _She's totally fucking laughing her ass off, fucking Lalonde, fucking shit fuck._

"Yo, KK." Sollux turned a corner and followed his trajectory. "Slow down, you're not in the Olympics. There's no gold medal for tooliest speedwalk."

"Shut the fuck up, Captor. We're gonna be late."

"Yeah. And?" Sollux sped up just enough to catch up and tugged him back to a walk. "You _know_ the prof doesn't start right away. Always leads into the actual lesson with shitty programming puns and stories about her cat." The hallways were almost empty now, in stark contrast with two minutes previously.

"Yeah, well, whatever. Punctuality is a good habit."

"A boring habit." They reached the doors and pulled them open in unison, both slipping in and letting the doors shut themselves. There were lots of empty seats in the back row. Sollux snagged the one closest to the door, and Karkat chose the one next to him.

The prof had ignored their late entrance and delivered the punchline of today's shitty pun. The first three rows laughed with her, but the rest of the lecture hall stared blankly or scrolled on their phones. _Riveting._ Karkat threw back the rest of his coffee, dropping the empty cup on his desk. Out of habit, he checked his phone too. Four new texts awaited his attention.

Jade: :p

Eridan: hes just such a fuckin prick about the whole thing

He rolled his eyes and replied.

Karkat: What the fuck ever Ampora.  
Karkat: Nitram isn't even that bitchy. Just try to listen, ok.

He hit the back button and checked the rest.

Nepeta: are you sure? :3

_No._

Karkat: Yeah whatever, it works.  
Karkat: Just don't sic the fluff monster on me while I'm picking that shit up.

His phone dinged and he cringed, hitting the volume-down button about fifteen times in four seconds.

Nepeta: haha i promise!  
Karkat: Fucking right.

He felt an elbow smack into his lower ribs. "What the fuck, bro?" he hissed. Sollux pointed at the projector screen and mimed writing in the air. "K. Thanks." Karkat groped through his bag and yanked out his notebook and pen.

When he'd copied down the examples, he returned to his phone.

Dave: what the fuck happened to my marshmallow stash  
Karkat: What the fuck  
Karkat: You have a marshmallow stash??  
Dave: fuck  
Dave: who the fuck would steal marshmallows  
Karkat: I don't fucking know, the marshmallow bandit?  
Karkat: Look out for the marshmallow bandit, he'll break into your house and steal your marshmallows, leaving all your piles of shitty records and expensive fake swords exactly where they were  
Dave: shut the fuck up vantas  
Dave: you dont understand the bond i share with my mallows  
Dave: mallows are what we marshmallow hoarders call our sweet treats  
Karkat: You are such a douche, I can't even believe this  
Dave: its not my fault you have mallowphobia  
Dave: we mallowkin need to stick together in an antimallow society  
Karkat: Oh my fucking god  
Dave: its a humankin world out there  
Karkat: Oh my goooooooood  
Dave: fucking mallowphobes im telling you  
Dave: we need to band together and fight the power  
Dave: take to the streets and write a firmly worded letter to our state representative  
Karkat: Are you quoting my brother again?  
Dave: not my fault you didnt delete his posts on your wall  
Karkat: Motherfuck  
Dave: *brotherfuck  
Karkat: FUCK

Sollux elbowed his side again, hard. Karkat stuck his tongue out at him and took down the next slide.

The class passed fairly quickly, and suddenly Karkat was closing his notebook and slinging his satchel over his shoulder again. Sollux stood by the door watching other people pass him on the way out.

"Hurry up. You're so goddamn slow, I swear to god--"

"Shut the hell up, asshat, I'm almost--" he grabbed his phone off the table, "--ready. Let's go."

They merged into the flow of traffic and, once out of the lecture hall, they slid to one side of the corridor and ambled along, watching the chaotic mass of humanity wriggle past.

"Who were you texting so intensely?" Sollux waggled his eyebrows. His fingers hooked into his fraying backpack straps.

Karkat elbowed him hard in the side. "Dave, actually. Don't go getting--ideas."

"Surprised it wasn't Harley. You liiiiike her."

"No. Not--not like that."

Sollux rolled his eyes. "You told me you did, KK. No going back on that, nimrod."

"No, but--I did, for a bit, but...you know she has a thing for Strider." His voice brooked no argument. "You know, come on, Captor. She's about as subtle as a begging dog, for fuck's sake."

"Damn." Sollux stopped by a set of about fifteen glass doors and dumped his backpack on a low bench. It crunched audibly and he unzipped a pocket to check inside. "Oh, thank fuck. If that broke...anyway, Jade. Yeah, okay, that shit's a bit obvious. Except to Dave, apparently. Sorry, bro."

Karkat shrugged. "It's fine." _Or it will be soon, anyway._

Sollux fixed him with a narrow stare. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Whatever." Karkat gave up on standing and took a seat next to Sollux's backpack. He balanced his bag on his knees.

"K." Sollux pulled a large tablet out of his bag. "Hold this." Karkat took it gingerly and Sollux returned to the vast realm of Backpack and shifted the barely visible contents around. "Man, your girl and Strider. Sucks for Jade, he's macking on TZ now, right?" Karkat closed his eyes and grimaced. _Thanks, bro._ Apparently Sollux read his face, as he apologized quickly. "Fuck, I mean--you know what I mean. Oh, shit--" he shifted into a whisper. "You don't have a thing for Pyrope--? You totally do. Shiiiiit," he drew out the I as he rezipped his kingdom. "Well, I do have some good news for you on that front."

"What?" Karkat handed him back the absurdly huge tablet. _I mean, really, you could attach some legs and have a touchscreen table._

"I mean that I heard her and the D-man having a massive blowout last week. Shit's falling apart rapidly, bro."

"Really?" _Fuck, too eager._ "I mean, it fucking sucks for--"

"Yeah, sucks for Dave, yadda yadda, but they're pretty much guaranteed to split soon. It's getting ugly."

"Hm." Sollux let him sit in silence for a minute or two, then cleared his throat.

"You staying on this bench forever, Vantas?"

"Oh. Well, no." Karkat stood, satchel in hand. "I should go for lunch. What are your plans?"

"Going home." Sollux grabbed a backpack strap and swung it over his shoulder. It hit his spine hard and he stumbled a little on the spot, flipping Karkat off when he snickered. "Fuck off, Vantas, I get to go home and take a nap. And by take a nap, I mean jerk off over fuckin' equations and circuitboard shit. Later, dude."

"Later." Karkat saluted and Sollux flipped him off again as he pushed through the glass doors and walked into the outside world.

Karkat turned and walked back into the maze of hallways. _Why the fuck is this place so complicated?_ He passed five people who all brandished the purple maps that every new student got in their acceptance package.

He reached the small food court in the centre of the college. Pretty much every major building bordered this connecting hub thing, which made it one of the busiest intersections on campus. A large bank of tables in the centre created a sort of roundabout, with the flow of people circling counterclockwise around it. It was always five thousand percent easier to just go with the flow and pick your exit. Karkat had tried to just go the other way to get to the next hallway over once, in first year. He'd made it, but the seven bruises he'd sustained convinced him. _Follow the herd._

He merged into the river of humanity and slid diagonally between people until he got to the tables, a little way over from the hallway he had come from. The core of the courtyard was a circle of small food places, some big chains and a couple of college-brand shops that hired students. _Time to get on with my day._

Someone was poking his shoulder. "Wha--oh. Hey Jade." _Jesus fucking christ, what time is it?_ He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"Hi Karkat! How's your day been?" This section of the library was too grey. Even the normally coral-coloured couches were a dull taupe here.

"I am so shitting tired. I wish I was a fucking bear; they don't do shit but eat and sleep, and they get to fucking do the sleeping thing for like half a year or some shit. That is some prime shit right there. Fucking bears, man." The plush chair under his rump felt like concrete...how long had he been sitting there? The bright indoor lights didn't help him estimate.

Jade gave him an odd look. "You should go home, Karkat. There's only one other person left in the library...and that's Rose."

"Jesus fuck...yeah, it's fucking dark out. Time to go home." He stretched, mouth opening in a silent yawn, before slumping back in his seat. "Do you have a ride?"

"Yes!! John's actually just getting his car from the parking lot and--oh, there he is!" A pair of headlights came to a stop outside the glass doors. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving you a lift too...especially since you live in the same house." She stuck her tongue out at him and skipped ahead out the library doors. Karkat sighed again, collecting his laptop, charger, and books as slowly as possible. John leaned on the horn as Karkat trudged outside. _Sigh._

Jade was chattering up front with John, the cousins cheerfully going over their respective days over the too-much-bassline pop on the radio. Karkat leaned his pale forehead against the window and let his breath mist the surface. _So. Fucking. Tired._ He brought a limp hand up and drew a frowny face on the cold glass.

"You okay, Karkat?" He glanced to the side and saw Jade looking at him in the rearview, eyes concerned behind those ridiculous glasses. _I mean seriously, is she Harry Potter?_

"M'fine. Just tired." She nodded and smiled, and resumed dissecting Captain America's facial expressions in the forty second trailer released last week. John laughed too long and loud, and Karkat winced.

The old grey sedan pulled up to a dilapidated apartment block and Jade hopped out of the car. She smashed her bag on the car door and winced on its behalf before closing it and waving John away. Karkat stayed in the back, though he shoved his bag on the floor and turned to stretch his legs across both seats.

"Are you sure you're okay?" John asked. He wasn't looking at Karkat, just at the road, like good drivers are supposed to.

"Will you ever let me drive your car?" Karkat asked. _Answer a stupid question with a stupid question._

"It's not that I don't trust you, you know that..."

"Yeah, whatever, Egbert."

"Yeah." John chuckled and turned up the music. The rap was too fast to comprehend. It sounded like a blur of words without meaning, just beats and rhythm.

John pulled into the gravel driveway. The car crunched to a stop and Karkat waited a beat before gathering his stuff. _Phone, check. Bag, check. Corporeal body, check._ He got out, slammed the door at an appropriate velocity, and trudged up to the deck. John took a minute to check that all the doors were locked-- _manual locks are a bitch_ \--and followed.

Karkat leaned on the wall of the house while John dug through his pockets for his key. It was all Karkat could do to hold on his things.

"Geesh, I know I put them in my pocket..." muttered John as Karkat came closer and closer to dropping everything and passing out right there on the porch.

"Why the fuck would they lock the door behind them in the first place? They know we're coming home."

"You can't be too careful, Karkat. You know that."

Karkat contemplated murder for a split second, then dismissed it as a useless idea. _Lucky bastard would find some way out of it._

"Aha! Always in the last place you look," John beamed, unlocking the door quickly and saving Karkat from a night of slugs and damp wood. Karkat staggered inside after him and dumped his things on the carpet.

"Fuuuuck," he groaned, giving up and sitting down hard on the floor with a bump. "Today was the fucking worst thing, I swear." His toss of his shoes in the vicinity of the designated shoe area by the door was, in a word, weak.

"Oh, come on, Karkat! Don't be a Negative Nigel! It can't have been _all_ bad...isn't there that girl in your bio class?" John winked about fifteen times as he spoke.

Karkat fixed him with as stern a glare as he could manage. "None of your business, but yes, there are girls in my biology class. That's kind of how fucking co-ed education works, asswipe." Leaving his bag and the eye-rolling John by the door, Karkat padded into the kitchen in sock feet. "Is there any apple juice left?"

Dave leaned casually against the counter, jumbo bottle of the sacred fluid in hand. "Not in a minute, there isn't." Taking another swig straight from the bottle-- _that unhygienic ass_ \--, Dave gestured toward the table. "This yours?"

Karkat followed his motion and instantly slapped his hands over his eyes. "Oh god, please, no..." He uncovered them after a moment of silent prayer. "Fuck. Him."

Gamzee lay underneath the table, his head cushioned by an open bag of cereal. His shitty juggalo makeup was smudged all over his face and, to a certain extent, onto the floor beneath him. A long pepperoni sausage was cradled in his big hands, covered in dust and hair from the neglected floor.

"I guess we know where my marshmallows went. The monster." Karkat almost hissed. "Not that I object to you adopting a juggalo, but I'm mainly concerned about getting a license for him?" Karkat's growl could have been aimed at anyone in the room, including himself. "And I thought _he_ was the pet...bad dog!"

"Ga--!" Karkat covered his own mouth to stifle the shout.

"The fuck was that, it sounded like a cat shoving liquid Spam down its--oh, hey, KK. That explains it." Sollux entered the kitchen. He didn't react to the snoozing clown under the table, just carefully sliding a chair out and taking a seat. "Well...care to explain to us what you plan on doing with him? Will he pay rent? I'm totally alright with him sleeping there forever if he covers like half the rent, honest. I'll barely complain."

"I..." He trailed off. "I just don't know how to deal with this shit. He's gone for weeks, not a word, not even a shitty faygo-fever text--and then he just shows up and takes up our fucking kitchen floor! Fucking _fuck!_ " Karkat started to pace. Dave flinched a little every time he stabbed his finger in his direction.

"O-kay, Karkat, calm down," Sollux began, approaching him slowly with his hands up. "Just--shh, bro--"

"No! What the fuck does he think he's--"

"K--"

"No!"

Gamzee yawned wetly and dropped the sausage.

"Gam? You awake?" Karkat's voice was so...gentle? Dave threw back the remaining AJ and tossed the bottle toward the recycling bin.

Gamzee stared at Karkat blankly for a moment. Karkat's face started to crumple, and then--"Kar?"

"Yes!" He was too loud. Gamzee flinched. "I mean, yeah, bro, it's me. Do you know where you are?" Karkat didn't look over his shoulder, but he knew the others were still there.

Gamzee grinned slowly. "Yeah, best fuckin' friend. I'm all sleep-happy under your table. With...your sausage. Huh. Who knew I was hungry?" Everyone else grimaced as he slid the dusty meat sack into his mouth and took a leisurely bite. "Motherfuckin' miracles." He spoke with his mouth full.

"...Yeah." He struggled to keep his voice level, can't fucking freak him out right now, "Want to head up to my room and, I dunno, jam? Feelings-wise?" Dave sniggered behind him and Karkat had to physically struggle not to hit him.

"Yeah, man. Let's do it." Gamzee shoved the rest of the sausage into his mouth somehow and leaned more upright.

"Up you go--that's it." Karkat grabbed his arms and tugged him to his feet studiously ignoring Sollux's and Dave's muffled laughter. He grabbed Gamzee's arm and headed for the stairs. The juggalo followed, grinning inanely.

The house quietened after he slammed his door gently, for Karkat.

"Well, that was fun," Dave deadpanned. He opened the fridge just for something to do, and immediately closed it again.

John strolled back into the kitchen, phone in hand. "What'd I miss?"

"Juggalo nap time, Karkat freak out, Dave drank all the fuckin' apple juice again. Just the usual." Sollux got up and made a beeline for the coffee machine. He reached into an upper cupboard and grabbed a blue mug that looked big even in his long-fingered hand.

"Wait, juggalo? Like, juggling? Clowns?" John shivered despite himself. Sollux shrugged and poured himself some coffee.

Dave raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, forgot your clown phobia shit." John winced. "You okay, bro?"

"Uh, yeah!" John grinned too wide. "Peachy keen!"

Dave stared. "Again: you okay, bro?" he asked. "That smile isn't convincing me of anything."

"Never better! I'm just gonna...you know...head up to my room. Not hiding! Studying!" John retreated slowly, until he snatched his bag from by the door and bolted up the stairs. Dave heard another door slam and a muffled shout from Karkat, then the house lapsed back into soft murmurs.

He turned back to Sollux. "Is it just me, or is everyone on edge today?"

Sollux sipped his coffee and looked down at Dave over his glasses. "It's not just you."

Gamzee sat crosslegged on his bed before Karkat could shut the door. Karkat bit back a lecture about personal spaces and collapsed beside him with a sigh. Gamzee grinned vacantly and traced Karkat's cheek with a doughy finger. _Fuck._

Karkat sat up. "Gam?"

"Yeah?" Gamzee lifted his hand and ran his finger along Karkat's nose too.

"Where were you?" His voice was quiet and breakable, sort of.

"The Gathering."

"Gathering?" What the fuck? "What gathering?"

"Gathering of the Juggalos." _Oh shit._ "Gathering of the best fuckin' bros and broettes the world's ever fuckin' known."

"Did anything...happen there?"

Gamzee stared uncomprehendingly. "Yeah, peeps kickin' the wicked shit with my ninjas, celebrating the Dark Carnival with every fuckin' one. Just the way it should be."

"Ugh, no, I mean--" keep it together-- "I mean, what happened there? You seem a little...out of it, Gam."

"I'm fine, bro. Just relaxin' the way we all should, with the precious weed and the blessed pills of creation." _Oh god._

Karkat grabbed Gamzee's hand and squeezed. "Gam, that's not good for you. You know that, right?"

"Naw, bro, you just don't see. So fuckin' smart and can't see what's in front of him," Gamzee chuckled, tapping the side of his nose wryly. "Shit's wicked delicious. We were meant to use the leaf and--"

"Gam--" Karkat interrupted his own interruption with a wince. _What the fuck can I say?_ He knew that the Makaras were out of town, probably out of country, busy pouring their money down the drain in Monaco or Dubai or some shit. _Fucking rich people. They won't care. They'll just shove him in some institution, and will that really help him?_ Karkat looked up from his lap and watched Gamzee nibble his pinkie nail, twisting his finger to catch the far side in his teeth. _Fuck._ "Look, I have an idea."

"Shit! Then shoot, brother!" Gamzee stared, eyes wide.

"What if you stay here for a little while?" _They better fucking agree._ "You can relax, I dunno, calm down from all the partying or whatever you did--"

"Cool. I'm down, motherfucker."

Karkat stared. "You sure?"

"Fuckin' right. Anything for my sweet bro." He grinned his crooked grin again, and Karkat subsided.

"Uh. Right. Mind if I go check in with the others?"

"Nah bro, I'll just get my sleep on. Take a fuckin' nap for the ages, know what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't mess up my shit." Karkat got up and headed to the door. He turned back to shut it, and saw Gamzee curl up in a ball, head at the wrong end, and close his eyes. _Bet he's getting fucking face paint all over my shit._ He couldn't bring himself to care.

John peeked out Dave's door, by the end of the hallway. "Is he gone?"

"Is who gone?"

"The clown." John whispered the c-word like it would summon balloon animals out of the air.

"Nope." Karkat popped the P. "Still in my room." John shuddered. "Mind coming downstairs for a minute?"

"Okay." John shut the door behind him and followed him down. Karkat swung around a corner to slap the basement door few times before continuing to the kitchen.

Dave was sprawled over a couple of chairs by the kitchen table. His laptop was open and playing a shitty fight scene with a vampire. John was standing behind him, reaching into an open bag of chips. Some dude in a shiny cape hissed and Dave chuckled, jogging the salsa-laden nacho he was holding. A clump of tomato-y shit dripped on the table. "Fuck," he muttered. He wiped it up with his finger and licked it.

"You're fucking disgusting."

Dave sucked his finger further into his mouth, making eye contact and winking before releasing it. "You're just jealous, baby."

"What the fuck ever, prick."

"What crawled up your ass? Did Makara say something mean? Didn't think he had it in him."

Crunch.

Both of them turned and glared at John. He chewed and swallowed.

"The fuck's going on in here?" Sollux leaned to one side in the doorway. "Who rang?"

"Me." Karkat ran a hand through his shaggy hair. "I need to talk to you guys. about something."

Dave rolled his eyes and hit the spacebar on his laptop. The tinny organ music stopped. "What, are you gonna ask if Gamzee can stay?" John and Dave laughed. Sollux didn't.

"Yeah."

"Fuck no."

"Why?" asked Sollux.

"He's kind of fucked up right now," Karkat stated baldly. "He went to that fucking Gathering thing--"

"Gathering of the Juggalos?" Sollux crossed his arms and stood up a bit straighter.

"Yeah. Anyway, he's been fucked sideways by shitty ideas and drugs. He needs to dry out."

"Send him to rehab." Dave wedged an improbably large triangle between his teeth and crunched. "Hbis parents cabn afford i'."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "That's not the point, fuckwad."

Dave swallowed audibly. "Isn't it?" He tipped the jar of salsa to get more of it on his chip. "Anyway, think about Egbert. He's gonna shit his pants every time what's-his-nuts blinks."

"Look, it would just be for a few days, a week, tops--"

"Dude." Karkat looked at Sollux. "Let's be real here. If we agree to let him crash here, we're giving him a free license to stay here forever. This is _Makara_ we're talking about here."

"He's right," Dave agreed.

"Well--"

"I have something to say." Everyone turned to John. When Dave swung his legs off the end chair to look, John took advantage and sat in it. "I know you guys think I have a really bad clown phobia..."

"We know you have a really bad clown phobia," said Dave in a voice one would use to speak to a child or small dog.

John shrugged. "It's not even a real phobia."

"What?" Everyone stared.

"I've been faking it. I just really don't like clowns." _The fuck?!_

"What the hell? The fuck is wrong with you?" Karkat exploded.

John shrugged again, smirking a little. "Got me out of a lot of shitty carnivals."

Sollux snickered. Karkat darted a glare at him. "Okay, ignoring all the fucked up psychology that led to your faking a phobia for years--are you guys okay with Gam staying?" Karkat's voice cracked a little.

"There's not much space left in this house. Egbert literally sleeps in Dave's walk in closet as it is. Where would he sleep?" Sollux asked the practical question. "He slept on the couch last night. Now we have to figure out how to wash the couch cushions."

"Yeah, I don't think those are going to fit in the washing machine," mused John. "Maybe dry cleaning?"

"Googling." Dave started typing.

"Anyway! I, I dunno, he could sleep in the bathtub or something..." Karkat trailed off.

Sollux nodded. "At least we could hose that down."

"Whatever! Are we okay with him staying?"

"I'm fine with it." Dave and Sollux looked at John. "Hey, he probably won't use up my hair gel."

"Shut the fuck up, Egbert, your gel is lucky to even imagine being in my hair," Dave scoffed. 

"Whatever, man. If he picks up the tab for pizza or beer once a month, I'm totally fine with it." John got up and rummaged through the fridge. "Whaddya think, Cap?"

Sollux rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to make Cap a thing, Thor." John giggled. "Anyway, I'm cool with it. I guess. As long as he stays out of the basement." Sollux removed his rectangular glasses and polished them on his shirt.

Karkat restrained himself from falling to his knees and praising the lord. "I'll make sure he knows to stay off of your turf."

"Damn straight. Hey, any juice left?" A half-full plastic bottle sailed toward Sollux's head. He caught it one-handed and checked the label. "Ugh, cranberry." He opened it and took a sip anyway.

"Dave?" Karkat looked to his last blonde hope. Dave regarded him coolly. "Come on, Strider. Final verdict."

John emerged from the fridge, victorious, with a plate of cold pancakes covered in plastic wrap. Sollux took one look at them and dove into a cupboard for the syrup. John pulled off the plastic wrap and wadded it up in a ball, leaving it on the counter.

"Fine."

Karkat stopped watching the pancake saga and blinked. "What?"

"It's fine." Dave returned to his laptop and the overdramatic soundtrack continued. A wavering voice with a heavy Hungarian accent began a tremulous monologue. "He'd better stay out of my shit."

"He will." The microwave hummed into life behind Karkat as he took a step and slumped into John's vacated chair. Dave shifted a bit to the side to make room, and they watched the vampire's final speech together. _Thank fuck._

**Author's Note:**

> wheeeeeee IT'S FINALLY DONE  
> I've been working on this piece for a while and I'm just really happy to get it out there at last!!! looks like we're continuing with the day-in-the-life format ahahaha  
> anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and I'd appreciate any feedback you'd care to leave me!


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